


Pretending

by reketrebn



Series: Falling Away With You [1]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America (Movies) RPF, Marvel Cinematic Universe, Marvel Cinematic Universe RPF
Genre: Angst, Captain America: The Winter Soldier, Character Bleed, Evanstan - Freeform, Filming, M/M, Roleplay, Slice of Life, Stucky - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-02
Updated: 2015-08-02
Packaged: 2018-04-12 15:56:12
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4485732
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/reketrebn/pseuds/reketrebn
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>And after two months of hard denial Chris had to admit it to himself, finally, that he had a crush on Sebastian Stan.</p><p>This realization brought another on top of it too - it complicated just about everything. </p><p>OR</p><p>Chris and Sebastian train together for over three months, getting the choreography for their fight sequences right. Now, the attraction between them was evident even from before, ever since their first movie. But for some unfathomable reason to both of them, they just didn't do anything about it. Maybe it was fear or uncertainty; Chris knows it's mostly his fault since he already caught a few smoldering looks directed at him from Sebastian, when the younger one thought Chris wasn't looking.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pretending

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Aerilyn](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Aerilyn/gifts).
  * Translation into Español available: [Fingiendo (Pretending)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4921363) by [Van_Krausser](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Van_Krausser/pseuds/Van_Krausser)



> EDIT: Thanks to the another two betas I finally managed to edit it properly!! XD I'm so sorry to everyone but appreciate it that you people liked it even before that!
> 
> So this a b-day gift to my dear friend Anett!! ♥ I haven't written anything in years so I hope it satisfies your needs at least a bit XD It's far from perfect but Evanstan/Stucky are perfect on their own anyway so.. yeah XD
> 
> also a huge thank you to my betas Bara and Jess!♥
> 
> the name of the fic is taken from the song Pretending by HIM~

They met up roughly four months before the actual start of the shooting to work together on their roles and mainly to train for their fighting scenes almost every day. It was rigorous work, but they both took it very seriously and that was what mattered the most. But the more time they spent together, the louder the voice in Chris's head got about how cute Seb looked with his longish hair, how well-toned his body had become and especially his ass lately. How delicious it was to watch him all sweaty, peeling off his shirt after hours of training, then his sweatpants, and walk into the gym shower. The mental images this view made Chris's mind produce weren't something he was ready to make a reality.

Chris started avoiding that shower from day one for very obvious reasons and just used the one in his hotel room, it didn’t matter to him how inconvenient it was. He just wasn't ready to face all of this, not yet.

And it got worse, so much worse. As the summer weather progressed and it got gradually warmer, Sebastian started wearing tank tops and sometimes even just went shirtless. Training started to be really painful, touching him and his hated slick skin. Chris had to overcome a few silent panic attacks every now and then in a closed bathroom stall, breathing deeply and repeating to himself that everything was okay and there was nothing to be scared of. This was just his body reacting to stress, frustration and obvious attraction. That it wasn’t scary and he would be okay.

But the training continued and as they got better, they were able to do full fight sequences, sometimes over and over again for a whole day. But absolutely the worst scene was the one that was supposed to happen in the helicarrier at the end of the movie. There were some headlocks and a lot of laying on top of each other... Chris could feel the whole of Sebastian's body on top of him, his warmth seeping through their thin clothes, the hard muscles pressing into Chris's front and especially that nice ass. He was simply weak against all of this and to top it all, Sebastian just always smelled so good to him, even all sweaty and wet. It made his head spin and he just wished to drown in it.

Now, all of this could have been easily dismissed as simple physical attraction, nothing more and nothing less. But the thing was.. it went beyond that for some reason. That reason was Sebastian himself. Because he just had to be the sweetest and most adorable person Chris had ever met! That was the most frustrating fact of all! When the younger smiled and those impossibly grey eyes of his crinkled in the corners, letting out the cutest of giggles and the long strands of his hair falling into his eyes.. Chris was completely lost. He felt his heart skipping, his breath hitching in his throat and a warm feeling spreading somewhere around his belly.

And after two months of hard denial Chris had to admit it to himself, finally, that he had a crush on Sebastian Stan.

This realization brought another on top of it too - it complicated just about everything.

The main reason it did was because Chris is an emotional person by default. Thus he's always careful not to let such things happen to him often, he’s guarding his feelings carefully. He's not the most stable person either and he tends to overthink a lot and sometimes it just topples over the edge and he's all over the place. Especially if he knows that he simply can't go for it, he couldn’t date Sebastian or even approach him, it would end really badly for both of them.

On top of everything, he knew Seb is dating a girl, he seems to be really happy with her, and Chris would feel like a major dick for screwing that up. Even when he knew Sebastian wouldn't be against a little one night stand or occasional hook up. But that's not something Chris wanted, it'd only destroy him inside. He'd get a taste of something he can't have. It was better not to know at all.  
Chris was trying to stay strong. Pushing all of this deep down and out of the way as much is he could. He's a professional after all.

Soon they started meeting up regularly to go over their scripts and discuss their roles and the relationship of their characters in the movie. They’d done that before too but now, since the story got more intense, those meetings became more intense too. They often went for lunch or dinner, talking and grabbing a few beers too. It was mostly fun since they act like some crazy fans, making up all those theories or stories that made them chuckle or laugh out loud. It was so easy to spend time together, Marvel really had no idea how well they would click.. if they only knew.

***

One afternoon like this, they grab late lunch together that slowly turns into dinner and then progresses into a prolonged discussion about all the horrors Bucky had to face during his time with Hydra. They of course know the canon material but they pinch up their own versions in it too. And before they know it, the evening is turning into a late night and both of them decide to get a bottle of scotch to go with their conversation, since all of this stuff is pretty depressing and they need to take the edge off their minds.

Sebastian buys a pack of smokes in the store too, before they head back to their hotel. Chris watches him light one cigarette right when they get outside, the smoke curling from his cupid-shaped lips, and without much thought Chris asks him for one too. He's not a regular smoker anymore but he's not against one or two from time to time, and right now he seriously needs a distraction. Sebastian smiles at him and offers him one, lighting it up for him even and smirking a little when Chris exhales with a chuckle.

They decide on going to Chris's room since his is less messy, and they start drinking while idly watching some TV in the background. It is dark already outside and they are too lazy to turn on any lights. Their conversation, from there, turns in bizarre directions.

"Dude, like.. can you imagine? You walk around the world, not knowing who you are basically, not knowing anything and then there goes this guy, suddenly ...looks at you like he knows you all of his life... and he goes 'Bucky?'." Sebastian gestures slightly with his half-filled glass, "I'd totally freak out." he chuckles humorlessly and drinks up the rest of the glass in one go.

"Yeah, and on top of it he's a trained, programmed assassin. And that's the thing.. I don't think Hydra was ever prepared for the possibility that Cap could come around at any time... well, at any time in the future. Had they known about him, then they'd have had their hands on him a long time ago."

Chris nods and takes the bottle from Sebastian to pour himself a drink too. More than half of the bottle is gone already, both of them are buzzed and their speech is slightly slurred. They are sitting on the floor, their backs to the bed and the only light in the room coming from the TV in front of them that is emanating only a very low sound. There are also some muted sounds coming from the street under the window; they opened it a few hours ago since Sebastian kind of chain smokes when he drinks and Chris takes a few drags here and there too. Now a little bit of a pleasant breeze is coming from the outside, just enough to let them feel the summer night and to lessen the heat of the day.

Sebastian lights another cigarette and tips his head back against the edge of the bed, exhaling smoke into the air, and Chris watches it kind of in a trance. Feeling ridiculous for wishing to catch it into his own lips instead.

"But seriously.. " Sebastian suddenly continues in their conversation, "..what kind of strong feelings had to be in him to break seventy years of cryo and brainwashing.. I mean, towards Steve. And with just one word... can you imagine that?" He rolls his head slightly to look at Chris, and Chris is still staring at him. A bit stupidly maybe, too.

"Uh-huh.... yeah, like.. do you mean love?" He wakes up a bit to reply. The alcohol is really making it hard to think and he realizes it's too late now to regret drinking that much.

"Mhm.. I mean, look at their story! And now I mean the way MCU made it.. I've played enough gay roles, bro, to recognize obvious man love in this." Sebastian chuckles and grins with a little devilish edge to it. Chris can't help but to laugh along and lets his head fall on the mattress behind him too. When he turns to look back at Sebastian it catches him with a bit of surprise at how close they suddenly are. Sebastian is still grinning and smoking while looking somewhere above them at the ceiling.

"Gimme," Chris mumbles and reaches for the cigarette, he takes it from Seb's fingers for like the fiftieth time that night and the brush of their fingers sends another electric spark down his spine.

There has been a lot of those since they started drinking tonight... or more like ever since they started training all those months ago. Chris is almost used to it by now even if it won't stop exciting him any less. He can also taste the other man on the filter, his thoughts stray again to Sebastian's lips and he feels like laughing at himself because it's just pathetic how overwhelming the desire to kiss those lips is tonight. Unfortunately he chuckles out loud too and Sebastian turns a questioning twinkling gaze to him. Chris just shakes his head and gives him back the cigarette after another drag from it.

"I just thought.. you know, that end of the line thing... it's pretty much a right out love confession. I don't know about you, but I don't have many friends whom I’d be willing to tell that I’d take that jump with them.. and meaning it, literally, like Steve." Chris covers it up with his other train of thoughts that are still somehow coherent at this stage.

"Me neither, not really." Sebastian laughs shortly and stubs the cigarette in the ashtray on the floor before gulping down half of his drink and laying his head back on the bed with a sigh, closing his eyes. Chris watches the outline of his neck.

"Steve is such a drama queen really." He announces into the air after a moment and both of them fall into a sudden fit of giggles because this is so true. Chris leans on Seb's shoulder and his hand automatically grabs that chest under it. When their laughter dies down a bit later, Chris is still pressed to Sebastian's shoulder and his hand is snuggly fitted on the man's chest, feeling the quickened beat of the heart beneath it.

"What do you think though.. were they banging even before the war? Or during it?" Sebastian asks after a moment and Chris feels a bit dizzy. It's because of the alcohol and Sebastian's scent enveloping his senses.

"Could be both, could be none of it. I dunno.. but I'd like to think both. Hmm.." Chris giggles to himself quietly again and suddenly feels fingers in his hair, lazily grazing his nape and he doesn't even know when they got there. Sebastian must have hugged him with his arm around his shoulders without him realizing it in his state. His breath catches and bites down a moan because it feels so incredibly nice. His alcohol induced brain doesn't even register that this is beyond what they are used to between them. That he should probably back away and put some distance between their bodies. But his body and the natural attraction to Sebastian's don’t allow him to even move and Chris just closes his eyes in delight instead.

"Really? You like that idea?" Sebastian murmurs somewhere above him but strangely really close, Chris can actually feel his hot breath ghosting over his forehead.

"What if they made us shoot those scenes? Would you mind?" Seb's voice is a bit raspy and quiet, Chris can feel him suddenly nosing his hair and then a slight tug of the fingers at his nape. As if to make him look up.. maybe?

"Not really.. I doubt it would be more than a kiss or two anyway." Chris nuzzles into the warm shoulder pressed to his cheek and then finally looks up, his eyelids already feeling heavy with the buzz of the alcohol. But he doesn't expect what is awaiting him there. Sebastian is looking at him with so much heat, eyes glazed over with alcohol too and pretty lips parted. Chris can feel the heart under his hand quickening its pulse even more.

"Mhm," Sebastian hums distractedly and his eyes are fixed shamelessly on Chris' lips. "Have you ever kissed a guy?" Comes the question right away from those lips and a tongue follows it and wets them instinctively.

Chris knows this is the moment, undoubtedly and very obviously. This is Sebastian craving to kiss him and still being a complete sweetheart, kind of asking for the permission to do it. And Chris also knows he should really put a stop to this. It's the worst idea under the sun, it's what he's been trying to avoid this whole time. But the problem is that the sun is not shining right now and he's buzzed so nicely, all of the good reasons why not do it are bleeding out of his brain and his body is taking over. Sebastian feels so nice pressed to his side, his scent filling up his lungs and those fingers now boldly buried in his hair. His own pulse quickens with anticipation and he just wets his own lips before releasing a shuddering breath.

"Yeah," Comes out his own response but he's already breathing it into Sebastian's lips because both of them closed the remaining distance. The younger man lets out a quiet adorable sound that borders somewhere between content and a little surprised. Because Chris is not wasting his time at all, he's actually kissing him and not just shyly pressing their lips together, as anyone would probably expect. He's almost diving into it and all the rational thoughts are flying out of that open window just like the smoke before. Chris has kissed some boys in his younger days, he's no stranger to that, but none of them were Sebastian back then and he is his first real man crush ever.

He's sucking on Sebastian's bottom lip and then boldly licking the top one because damn, he’s wanted to worship that perfection for months. The hand that was on Seb's chest moves fluidly into the other man's hair and instantly pulls on the long strands. The kiss tastes like scotch and cigarettes but neither of them care, they are too busy already licking into each other's mouths. Chris actually enjoys kissing in general, multiple people have already told him his lips are kinda made for it and he selfishly hopes Sebastian thinks so too.

One kiss turns into a making out session in which both of them completely lose track of time. But surprisingly enough it doesn't lead into anything more, maybe because they are both drunk. Though Sebastian still ends up halfway on Chris's lap, his knee between his thighs and both of them occasionally grinding against each other. To Chris's surprise Sebastian doesn't push it, doesn't make any other further moves than what Chris is comfortable with. Even when they are both half hard and it would be just so easy to simply get each other off. But all of the alcohol and excitement get Chris kind of on an overload and soon he's burying his face into Sebastian's neck, his breath deepening. He feels so content, as if someone lifted something really heavy from his chest and bled out all the tension from his body. He finally kissed that mouth, made love to it and doesn't need to only dream about it anymore. His body is going on overdrive and he can't handle anything else tonight. He would like to devour Sebastian fully, to touch every inch of him and print into his memory every detail of his body, but that would require a sober state, and he's simply not able to do all of that right now.

"Hey, hey.. Chris," He can feel Seb murmuring into his ear, "let's get you on the bed, buddy." He feels fingers running through his hair again before the warmth of Seb's body is leaving him and he whines in discomfort. But Sebastian is dragging him off the floor with surprising strength and on the bed.

Chris can't even open his eyes anymore, the scotch making him already half asleep and unable to do anything else. But he still manages to whine again and blindly reach for Sebastian to come back to him. And really before he falls asleep completely he can actually feel the warm body being pressed to his side again and that brings a little smile to his lips.

*****

The next morning is surprisingly not as awkward as it probably should be. When Chris wakes up with a killer headache, there is Sebastian, already up and giving him a glass of water and throwing a bottle of pills at him. There it is again, that amused grin in the corner of his mouth, and his eyes crinkle a bit too when he shakes his head.

"You're a hopeless drinker, man. Next time we are going with beer only." He chuckles and goes to drink what is obviously coffee on the table. Chris realizes it's what woke him up probably, the wonderful smell of coffee. He feels like he’d kill for one cup right now. So he drinks half of the water and swallows two of the pills before scrambling up from the bed. Sebastian sits down opposite him and is still grinning in that annoying knowing sort of way. Chris ignores him for now because the rich dark beverage is more important but when he gulps almost half a cup of it, his brain clears a bit and things start to come back from last night... mainly the huge glaringly obvious fact that they kissed. And not just kissed but made out like horny teenagers on the floor. He stops midway, putting down the cup on the table and his whole body freezes with that realization. What breaks him from that minute panic attack is the sound of Sebastian's laugh, as if he couldn't hold it anymore.

"Finally!" He giggles and shakes his head. That little piece of shit. Chris almost chokes on his life but Sebastian is already rising from his seat and going to the door to put on his shoes.

"Gonna go take a shower in my room. You should get your little ass up and going because we have a work out in half an hour." Chris doesn't even have time to process what just happened and how absolutely alright Sebastian seems to be with everything. His brain is just simply too confused with all of it right now and before he even knows it the other man is gone and he's sitting there just with his coffee and blurry memories.

******

Life goes on though, and they do get back to work and Chris is genuinely surprised by how not much has changed after that night. It could have been awkward, Sebastian could have pretended nothing happened or blame it on the alcohol. But instead he seems somehow.. happy? Or happier than before for some reason. There are those smiles that suddenly mean so much more during their training, teasing touches and playful laughs that stir something inside Chris. He knows they crossed some invisible line between them but he still isn't sure what it means. Maybe Sebastian is like this with a lot of his male friends, maybe he doesn't consider it as something serious. It's better to get the tension out of the way, right? Well, Chris is relieved somewhat too but still confused for the most part.

A few days after that night, Sebastian clarifies where that line between them lies by pressing Chris to the wall in their gym locker room and kissing the shit out of him. Chris honestly isn't expecting it so his heart does around a hundred summersaults and stoppes a few times too before his body starts moving again and he presses Sebastian in a vice grip to him. The kiss doesn't last too long though, it's a hungry passionate exchange and they are parting again, slightly out of breath.

"See you in a few days? Gotta fly home before we start shooting." Sebastian says as if nothing just happened, as if this was just normal and he even absentmindedly caresses Chris's bottom lip with his thumb before letting go of his face altogether.

"Uh-uh.. is it that soon already?" Is he already that distracted that he forgot what date it is? It's possible, considering the events of the latest few days. His mind is still reeling with the fact that they are now on.. what? Kissing terms? Is there even such thing as 'kissing terms'? Apparently now there is.

"Yeah, you dork. See you then. Call if you need me." Sebastian grins at him for the last time and Chris is almost sure there is some strange undertone to that last sentence but he can't really fathom what it is. He just says his goodbye and Sebastian is gone from that cursed locker room, leaving Chris once again alone with the breath still kind of knocked out of him.

*****

The filming really starts a few days later which is already the next week and Atlanta is a hot Hell during that time of the year. Chris is positive this whole shooting will be one hell of a experience too.  
They don't have many scenes together with Sebastian though. But the ones they have take the most out of him, they did prepare for them all those months after all. And it's an entirely different thing to be only training them and actually playing them. Even more so when Sebastian is literally Bucky the Winter Soldier with his cool ass metal arm. It does things to Chris and mostly to his imagination. He's getting even more into Steve's head and sometimes he even forgets he's Chris instead. This role consumes him somehow and he can see it on Sebastian how he becomes Bucky with his whole being. And all those conversations they had before are coming back to him and he realizes that most of them were probably correct in terms of the story between their characters.

Considering their 'kissing terms' it has been mostly on the weak side and Chris isn’t particularly happy about it. But that was just Sebastian getting into his role, isolating himself a bit more than usually. But still there were nights out in the bars, with Scarlett and Mackie, laughing and drinking again. During those times Sebastian would throw a few heated looks towards Chris when no one else was looking, grin the certain way and soon both of them will be stumbling down hallways in hotels. Hands and lips everywhere, pressing to walls and hastily opening one of their rooms. But it never led to anything more than a quick handjob or another making out session before one of them fell asleep from exhaustion.

Chris is falling deeper and deeper into some kind of desperation. He doesn't understand what it is between them. Friends with benefits? Simple irresistible attraction that none of them is able to stop? He knows that in his case he likes Sebastian too much for it to be just casual. There are feelings involved that border on being in love with the other man and it cripples him with fear sometimes when he realizes that after this he'll have to let go of him. There will be another movie, there will be a press tour, but it won't be the same anymore. This summer will be something they won't be able to come back to. And he highly doubts Sebastian wants any future with Chris; not in the naïve, selfish way Chris does.

So their little game continues and it digs a hole in Chris's heart. But he doesn't want to push it, to drop questions that would only make Sebastian disappear sooner and end it all before the shooting even wraps up. He endures and enjoys, the only things he has left.

****

The helicarrier scene. That is what breaks something in both of them. They are filming it in the studios, in between a lot of green screens and different props resembling only partly the ship but still.. it's the wildest and most emotional scene they had done until now. And it riles them up both so much that Chris can feel Sebastian's boner pressing to him while he's pretending to beat the shit out of him on the floor of that fucking helicarrier. They are both aching, Seb's cheek has a real cut and his hair is a mess. Both of them are sweating, riding on the high of the adrenaline and probably even forgetting what is going on around them. For Chris it's real, everything feels so fucking real and he's even forgetting the presence of all the cameras and people around them at times. He is Steve Rogers fighting his best friend Bucky Barnes. He can feel all the pain and love Steve is feeling, he is that pain, he is that depression and the wish not to go on in his life alone. Because there is Bucky and he has to kill him, he is Bucky's mission. And if Bucky's mission is to kill him he will let him because they'd promised each other, almost a century ago, that they will live together and die together too. Because he loves Bucky Barnes and his life is empty without him and he can't lose him again. This time they can die together and be in peace.

Chris is so lost that when Joe Russo finally yells "Cut! That'd be all for tonight, guys! Excellent job!" and they all get up and pack up, he doesn't even know what is happening. How come he's not dying, how's he even here and what is this. His reality is blurring and the only thing he is able to process is Sebastian, who is here and looks absolutely wrecked. He can see it in his eyes too, none of them is okay, this is not okay.

"So uh..you going home.. now?" He starts walking and is glad when Sebastian follows him, exactly what Chris wanted.

"Yeah, hotel room." Replies Sebastian in a raspy and unusually quiet voice. And Chris knows, he is still Bucky and it's so messed up. But he knows they need to be alone and soon.

As soon as they disappear somewhere into the darkness behind the studio he catches Sebastian's hand and costume and all is forgotten, he starts dragging him out. The other man is not protesting at all, he even squeezes Chris's hand tighter and both of them are soon exiting the studios through the back door and going to one of the taxis which are always waiting there to take them to their hotel. Consequences be damned, Marvel will probably kill them for stealing props and costumes but they will return those tomorrow. And maybe Russos will understand that too, they saw how this scene went and they know something this intense has only few endings.

As soon as the door closes behind them, there are hands everywhere. The ride to their hotel was excruciating and too long, Chris kept squeezing the seat under his thigh and Sebastian's hand. He was trying to take deep breaths, to overcome the rush of emotions and adrenaline still coursing through him. And now when they are finally, finally alone, all of his restraints are gone.

Sebastian is no better than him, he's actually helplessly whimpering into Chris' lips and trying to undo his cap costume, it has too many buckles and straps though and he just growls with frustration. It's animalistic and wild and Chris doesn't care about anything else than to get as close as he can to the man in his arms. He half carries him and half drags him further into the room, stumbling over some clothes on the floor. He almost rips the buttons on that leather vest thing Sebastian is wearing but he manages to open it anyway and is finally able to reach inside and peel it off in haste. All the while of course trying not to stop kissing those wonderful lips, they are chapped and swollen a bit from all the fighting they did. Both of them are in fact kind of wrecked and it brings again this strong feeling as if being in someone else's skin. And maybe both of them are, maybe like this they can finally let go of their real lives and obligations and pretend for a while that they are the characters in the movie. They are Steve and Bucky, they have loved each other for decades and found their way back to that love. And the only thing left right now is that love, nothing else.

Chris stops for a moment and takes Sebastian's face into his hand, looking him in the eyes and breathing hard. He's searching his face for any indication that he doesn't want this as much as Chris does but he can't find any. So he smiles a little, but it's broken anyway and draws his eyebrows together in an expression of pain that is currently coursing through him. And Sebastian is watching him with haunted eyes, they are glazed over with what is probably tears and there is so much anger and sorrow behind them, so much pain too. And Chris knows they are in it together tonight, completely and without doubt.

"Bucky.." He leans in and whispers it into Sebastian's lips almost inaudibly. He knows it's stupid and if anyone saw them they would think it was sick. But they are actors, it is sometimes how it is. And right now he wants Sebastian and he also wants the Bucky inside him, because he knows Sebastian needs it too. And without mistake, there comes Sebastian's response in a form of a low whine, entirely different from all the ones before. It's as if he is thankful that Chris gets it and that he's here and helping him through it.

Everything about this is different from whatever they were doing before, their touches are hard and at times a bit bruising but that could be also because they are both pretty beaten up. They manage to somehow peel off the cap suit, the Winter Soldier jacket and even most of the arm. But Sebastian leaves the glove with the metal fingers for a little while longer though, only to run it up and down Chris's spine, cold metal fingers grazing his heated skin. And there's also a quiet breathless "Stevie," whispered into the skin of his neck before Sebastian moves back to Chris's lips and they both stumble on to the bed.

Everything else is out of the way by then, pants and shoes and now even the whole metal arm in a pile on the floor. Sebastian crawls on top of Chris as soon as their bodies touch the bed, he attacks his lips once again and Chris idly realizes this is the position they were in while shooting their last scene. He felt how riled up it made the man above him, he felt how hard he was just like right now and so he doesn't waste any time and reaches between them to take Sebastian's cock into his palm. They have done this before, touched each other and so it's nothing new anymore. He even already knows what to do with his hand for the other man to like it and to get him off faster. But right now it's not what this is about. Sebastian draws back from the searing kiss and looks at Chris for a few breathless moments, all messy hair and red glistening lips.

"I wanna ride you.. can I.. plea-" Before he's even able to finish his words Chris is drawing him back down and licking back into his mouth with such an enthusiastic moan that there can be no mistake about how much he wants it too. Chris blindly reaches somewhere around the pillows for the lube, because there was another of these nights few days ago, where they drunkenly stumbled into the bed and friction was always better with lube no matter what they were doing. That night seemed to Chris now as if it happened in some parallel universe, a very long time ago.

"I've never.." Chris tries to warn him shakily but his worry is kissed away from him with urgency.

"I know, I know.." Sebastian whispers back and it's obvious he doesn't mind and just wants this really badly. Chris is nervous, but still not going to deny the man above him. Sebastian takes the lube from his hand and spreads it on his own fingers with a little impatience. Without any preamble he reaches behind him and starts preparing himself while leaning his other hand on Chris's hard stomach for support. Chris has to be honest to himself that when he's watching Sebastian like this above him, it's probably one of the most gorgeous things he has ever seen. His torso is glistening with sweat and his muscles are straining with all the tension that is still in his body. Chris wants to take a picture of this because he knows it's probably the last time he will see it.

It doesn't take too long for Sebastian to get ready though and before Chris can as much as take the other man's hips in his hands, Sebastian is already coating Chris's cock and moving above him. And for all the things Chris' mind has made up until now, none of these fantasies were even remotely close to what he's feeling right now when his cock is sliding inside Sebastian's body. It's overwhelming and his eyes fill with tears for a moment, his breath is knocked out of him and all he can do is cling to the searing hot body above him. He tries to find his breathing again but fails, panic threatening to overcome him but before that can happen, there are hands on his face and Sebastian's eyes gazing right into his own.

"Breathe," he whispers and gently caresses his cheekbones with his thumbs, "I'm right here.. I'm here." Sebastian leans down and brushes their lips together, his eyes never leaving Chris' own and anchoring him before his hips start moving and both of them moan into each other's mouths. It's surprisingly slow at first, comparing to the frantic way they tore at their clothes, but it somehow fits the atmosphere even more. Sebastian's hands bury themselves in Chris's hair, tugging and squeezing deliciously while Chris' own slide over the slender hips above him and down to his ass where he starts guiding himself even deeper inside.

He never felt like this before, so much on the same line as his lover, not with any woman at all. There is something about Sebastian that can't be explained and especially the way they can connect with each other. They understand their thoughts even without words. And right now Chris knows there is still that turmoil and struggle inside the man above him, he can see it in his eyes which are desperately trying to stay open even despite the obvious pleasure coursing through his body. He presses him even closer, one of his hands burying in that dark mane and pressing their foreheads together. He whispers Bucky's name again into the bruised lips. He knows Sebastian needs this role play, he needs the closure or the sadness will crush him completely.

"I got you, Buck. We are here.. you are safe." He tangles his fingers in Sebastian's hair and brings their lips together again for a deep kiss. He can feel it, how Sebastian starts calming down and is allowing the pleasure to lift all of it from his shoulders. Chris starts quickening the pace, slamming even deeper inside Sebastian but it's not enough, he knows he needs to undo him completely for both of them to feel better. So he hugs him around the waist and with one swift motion flips them over. There is a little surprised yelp from Seb but it soon turns into a moan because Chris picks up the pace and changes the angle too. When he's hovering above Sebastian like this, it's even easier to feel like this big soldier is taking care of his best guy. One of his hands stays hugging Sebastian around the waist and he brings the other to caress his cheek and bury in the long hair. Chris adoringly kisses that beautiful straight nose and then his chin, appreciating every detail of that gorgeous face. Sebastian chases his lips and despite being out of breath still desperately kisses him.

"I got you, baby.. I got you." Chris repeats into the kiss and Sebastian moans brokenly in response. He's then burying his face into Chris's neck, hot breath searing his skin and there it is again against his skin.

"Stevie, ah, Steve.. fuck.." Sebastian whispers brokenly, moaning even louder now and Chris knows they are not going to last very long. They needed to get all of this out of their system, all those emotions and the adrenaline. He bites down on Sebastian's neck on instinct, not even thinking about leaving marks and picks up the pace even more, slamming harder into the hot body underneath him. Suddenly he can feel nails digging into his back and dragging down, pain is mixing with pleasure and he throws back his head with a surprised shout. It feels so good, all of it feels too good to be real and he's afraid it probably isn't. He still has this bittersweet tang of sorrow on his tongue, every kiss tastes like this tonight and there is nothing either of them can do about it.

Chris' too close to the edge, he can feel it and before he loses it completely he reaches between their bodies and starts pumping Sebastian's cock in time with his thrusts. He leans down to capture his lips for the last time even though both of them are mostly just breathing into each other's mouths and their moans are mixing together. Right now there is nothing more important in the world than pleasure and as Chris twists his wrist around his cock, Sebastian is suddenly coming and hard. That does it for Chris pretty much too because next thing he knows is this blinding feeling of complete and utter bliss spreading all over his body and he's coming inside Sebastian without warning.

It takes Chris a few moments to regain his senses and to start moving off of Sebastian so he won't crush him. But before he can move completely, there are suddenly strong arms holding him down and shaky breaths on his neck. He doesn't move then, using the time to collect himself too and just enjoy the aftermath of it all. He doesn't want to return to the reality too soon either, just a moment longer before they regain their own personas and life roles.

After a while Sebastian finally lets go of him and Chris rolls to the side, still slightly out of breath and gazing at the dark ceiling with only a few lights reflected on it. He wonders idly what is going to happen to them now. They both needed it and despite Chris' own feelings it's not something they can pursue. Maybe they will get together again for the next movie, who knows... Chris would rather be swallowed whole right now by the universe.

None of them say anything for a long while before Sebastian gets up and disappears into the bathroom and Chris can hear the water running a moment later. He contemplates on whether to leave or wait, but the first option would be a serious dick move and he doesn't feel like the second one. Besides, Sebastian didn't really close the bathroom door.. so Chris gets up slowly and goes to join him. Sebastian doesn't tell him to go away and they stay like that, hugging under the spray of hot water for a long time.

****

Shooting wraps up a few days after that, no one really mentions their disappearance or them taking the costumes. The crew shoots them a few curious glances but nothing more. And slowly their lives get back to normal, forgetting about all those hard times and breakdowns. There are after parties and wrap up parties too and everything suddenly feels miles away. And Chris knows that this is it, this is the end of their time together with Sebastian and this summer.

It’s the last bar night, the last drinking session and almost everyone is there this time. Chris feels good, he feels accomplished because they did a good job. And for a moment he's really glad he is here with all those wonderful people. Even looking at Sebastian doesn't feel so painful tonight.

Chris takes a cigarette break outside of the club at one point, just standing there and watching the street and feeling the warm night around him. He barely notices when Sebastian suddenly appears next to him.

"So, going home tomorrow?" Sebastian lights up a cigarette too and smiles at him with his slightly crooked teeth, it's adorable.

"Yeah, it's over, huh?" Chris exhales the smoke and once again doesn't know what to say because he won't be the one to push it. But to his immense surprise Sebastian beats him to it somehow.

"Yea, it feels too quick suddenly. I'm gonna miss everyone." He seems a bit shy for a moment, looking down at his shoes and kicking the pavement before he looks up, biting his bottom lip with a brave smile. "So, see you at the press tour?" comes out the question and he knows, he sees... Chris just sees it in Sebastian's eyes, the promise of that certain 'next time'.

"We will definitely see each other there, yeah." Chris grins back at him, his smile full of promises of his own.

**Author's Note:**

> so once again HAPPY BIRTHDAY!! XD
> 
> and here is a sequel fic for this one! [Quiet](http://archiveofourown.org/works/4759277/chapters/10881782)


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